Thursday, March 26, 2009

Arch Enemies and Other Kid Stuff

I was reading The Meanest Mom blog today.

She was talking about how her daughter had gotten bullied yesterday and it got me thinking about Mikayla.

She currently has a "nemesis" at school, someone who takes every chance she gets to be mean and rude to Mikayla, saying super hurtful things. I hate how mean girls can be to each other and I hate that Mikayla has to experience this.

It made me think about my own experiences and the girls (and women) who have been this type of nemesis for me. Luckily, I don't really feel like I have that in my life right now, but it wasn't so long ago, that I too was dealing with this type of person.

You know who they are. They tend to run in your circle, and although you are not "friends" with them, you are friends will all their friends. They always show up wherever you are, and it seems like every chance they get they feel the need to show you how superior they are...and put you down in some way. Ack. I hate that.

Thinking about this, makes me realize that I can't really tell Mikayla that this type of things goes away when you grow up, because in many instances, it doesn't.

But, one thing that I have realized, is that these type of people are not worth wasting my time and energy on. I mean, they aren't people I want to be friends with in the first place, so why should I care what they think? Frankly, most of the time, I don't see eye to eye with them anyway, so I can't let their opinions and actions bother me.

But, that's a lot easier to say than it is to do. Because somehow, these people also seem to have the knack of making me crazy!

So, how do you deal with this? With your kids? With yourself?


Melanie said...

I've been meaning to tell you, I am your arch enemy...couldn't you tell?

Seriously though, this was the story of my life all through high school. Sheer misery, but you just get through it! Just remind her that the most important thing is what the Lord thinks of her, not what others think!

Sarah said...

It's me, isn't it? Now that we're not in Manassas anymore you can finally relax.

I had a lot of trouble with this when I was younger, and honestly I don't have any words of wisdom. It sucks, and like you said, it doesn't necessarily end when you get older. There are always immature people in the world who feel the need to put you down. Unfortunately that will never change! I think the best you can do is just make sure your kids know how much they are loved (by you, by the Lord, by their *real* friends), how valued they are, and perhaps most important of all- make sure they never become that person!!!

Mara said...

Sounds like this girl just wants to get a rise out of Mikayla. The best thing most people can do to the meanies is give them their best Miss Manners, which is to level them with a cold look and make a completely honest assesment of how that person is behaving. "Stop being a jerk." or "I don't think you're funny at all." Some of the time that's enough to chill the behavior. Sometimes a person will persist. Then it's best to demonstrably roll your eyes and walk away. People, especially kids, are more likely to get embarrassed about their own behavior if their "tormentee" obviously views the behavior as stupid and refuses to engage.

I had a kid who harrassed me all through middle school and high school and I was always trying to think of witty rejoinders that would "show him!" But very few people are clever enough on the spot for that sort of thing. Eventually I got tired of it and started pulling the above tactic. It started working immediately and after a few weeks, HE was actually avoiding ME.

Some kids are just incorrigible, though, and once they get on a certain person, it's hard to get rid of them. Usually, though, they are looking for targets weaker than themselves and will move on if they can't get the desired reaction. Thomas had a kid in his preschool class who was mean to me and we just repeated the same mantra to reply to him. "I don't like that." The kid kept it for awhile, but after about two thousand "I don't like that."'s from Thomas, he eventually moved on.

Puhlman said...

The only thing I can think of is TO BEAT HER UP. HEHEHEHE

I think we all go through this. And I hate it more that my kids have to go through it. Heck, I don't care if people do it to me now but to be mean as a kid is so much worse. As adults I feel we can pretty much handle it.

Has she prayed about this? Maybe she will have to do the killing with kindness thing (after beating her up). Or maybe try to have her talk to her to see why she is being so mean. Just a thought.

If only other parents were teaching their kids to be nice. If I ever found out my kids were being the bully OH BOY. Don't even get me started. Maybe that should be a required class in Middle school.

Bringhurst Family said...

This is always weird because I remember feeling hurt by these types of people when I was young. And I know what my kids feel when it happens to them. But now as an adult I always just feel sorry for the person and confident that it really has nothing to do with who I am. So I always tell my kids to feel sorry for them. Feel sorry that they are probably disliked by others and feel sorry that they haven't been taught the right way to treat people. But... that doesn't make them feel any better. So they have to wait 30 years to figure it out.

Kim said...

When our oldest was younger he had a kid that bugged him daily. We would send him to school reminding him that he is worth friends that deserve him. I don't know how much it helped but it kept me from going to the school and puncing the kids lights out! I can't stand when people are mean to each other. What a waste of a life. Sorry your daughter is having to experince it. From everything I have read about her she sounds amazing!

lbugsh2 said...

Well Scarlett deals with it by punching them in the jaw, however I do not think that is the best anwser.

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