Bit the Bullet

So...I did it.

I bit the bullet.

I joined (re-joined) weight watchers today.

I have mixed feelings about it.

I know I need to be healthier and I really have sincerely tried to lose weight over the years -- but I am a stress eater and someone who doesn't deal well with delayed gratification.

This is not a good combination.

But I have several friends who have had great success on the program, and the latest, my friend Lauril is a total inspiration to me.

I lost a lot of weight right after Katie was born and one of my happiest moments was realizing that everything in the plus size store was just too big and I needed go shop at a regular store. Seriously. O Happy Day.

But i've been stuck where I am for quite a while, and in fact noticed the scale starting to move in the wrong direction.

I refuse to go there again.

But I also know I need to do something different to make any lasting change in my life and I hope this is the start.

I have made a real effort to move away from the pessimistic, somewhat sad person that I used to be and it's been a strange thing.

I have tried to complain less. To look for the good more. To let go of the past. Not to beat myself up for mistakes.

And now I am hoping I am ready to take the next step. Being optimistic. Believing in myself. Believing that I can do hard things.

We have started to get up at 5:30 am and having family scripture study and family prayer. It's so very hard at time of day to get up and do it.

But I have already seen what a huge blessing it's been to our family and  I think it fits right in there with the idea that we can all do hard things.

At some point today I even had the thought that it might be helpful to tape some positive affirmations up on my mirror to reinforce the idea that I know can do this. That I can choose this for myself.

That's when I realized that somewhere along the way I have started to be like my perennially happy husband -- and it gave me a moment of pause.

I think that's the last place I expected my life's journey to take me!

Life is a Zoo

We played hooky today. Shhhh. : )

Troy had the day off work and suggested that we take the little kids to the zoo.

So, off we went -- and we could not have picked a nicer day. 70 degrees. sunny. perfect.

The orangatans were out when we got there and this was one of everyone's favorite things. Love seeing them move about the zoo on the overhead lines.

The kids had a blast!

This pizza playground is so funny.

Some of the other favorite animals of the day:

The Big Cats.

The turtles.

Loved the stinging nettles.

Always love the butterfly house. I guess it's too early in the season as there were only two types of butterflies out today.

And who doesn't love the pandas? We got to see them both outside and inside today. Very cool.

And each of the kids wanted a turn with the camera...so I turned over my baby and they each too a photo. This one from Becky was one of my favorites.

Peeks

I promised myself that I wouldn't do any personal blogging until I got my last few photo sessions were edited.

Want a peek?

These are on their way to you Sheri!

And of course...this little bit of goodness.

Don't these just make you want another? : )

Well...maybe not, but maybe Jen will just have to let me come over and hold hers again.

Blogging on Blogging

I have opinions.

Did  you know that?

haha.

Of course you did. 

But, I have found myself starting posts and deleting them...unsure of what to say or share.

I have been heavily self-editing and it ends up not being worth sharing after I have taken out everything that it seems like I couldn't share. (did you follow that?)

I know -- this too seems highly ironic after all the over sharing I have done about my surgery.

I end up wishing I could be more like my friend Hilary, who posts about all kinds of things and shares her opinions freely. I love the snapshot her family will get of what kind of person she was and really enjoy being able to read about what was going on in the world today.

Or...if I could be more like my friend Lara, who had gotten so good about writing about the everyday stuff that it just seemed natural that when her family hit a bump in the road, she would use her blog to update and uplilft everyone she knows.

So...I'm hoping to do a little more blogging. Keeping it real. Sharing not just our family stories, but mine as well.

Any thoughts on how to do this? : )

6 weeks out

I got the all clear today from my doctor. I've healed up nicely and all restrictions have been lifted.

Thank goodness, because not being able to pick up more than 5 pounds has been difficult.

To celebrate Troy and I went to Graffiato's. It was A-MAZING.

Try the gnocchi!

It is owned by Mike Isabella (of Top Chef fame) and he was there today...being taped and photographed and stuff. I know it's dorky...but I thought it was cool.

V Day

If you know us, you know our history with Valentine's Day is not a good one.

See here, here, or here for just a few examples.

So, I am happy to report that Valentine's Day did not suck.

I know.

I'm shocked too.

It wasn't anything special. But we did get to go to dinner together. At the same time. In the same place.

And honestly, being together was all that really mattered.

39 baby

Troy is 39 today.

My word. 39.

That's old.

Of course, Troy is comforted by the thought that I am always going to be older than him. : )

It was a pretty low key day. Troy wanted to spend a quiet evening together...we had dinner at a really nice restaurant and watched a show at the Kennedy Center with friends. 

In my book...that's pretty great day.

Happy Birthday sweetheart. 

I hope this is the best year yet.

ps. doesn't he look good with the beard? 

Almost 2 weeks

I had my first post op visit today and everything is healing nicely. My incisions scars (all 7!) are healed up, although the doctor says they will continue to change in appearance over the next 12 months.

Additionally I received the pathology report on my uterus...which was as expected...not normal...but nothing they hadn't expected.

And sadly my parents went home today. I know they were happy to come and help, but I know they were equally happy to go and finally get some rest!

I just don't know how we would have done it without them and I'm just so grateful they could come out. I'm very blessed to have such good parents.

And what did I do on my first day on my own? oh yeah....I overdid it....and now I'm ready to lay down...maybe til next week.

But really, all is well and I'm making good progress. Can't ask for more than that!

Recovery

It's been 5 days since the surgery and recovery is going about as expected.

The surgery itself went very well. Although an hour longer than the doctor expected. She said everything looked good, but she was glad that I had chosen to do it, as it was very needed.

The first few days were a little rough. Moving around and changing positions was very difficult. It brought back memories of being in the hospital with the twins and needing people to help me roll over.

Eek.

I am so grateful that my parents are here. They have been amazing and I just cannot imagine trying to do this without them. Everything is taken care of and I can totally focus on getting better.

It's kind of weird being so focused on recovering and trying to let everything else go. Other parts of my life keep trying to creep in, but I am doing my best to say no. It hasn't been 100% successful...as I said yes a couple of times I really should have said no...but I can't be perfect right out of the gate, right?

Tonight as I was thinking about how glad I am to have this behind me...I did have a small twinge of...I don't even know what as I thought about how my child bearing years are well and truly behind me now.

I have loved having each of my children and I feel so blessed to be their mom. And although it wasn't regret...it was a little moment of something.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers on my behalf. I have felt incredibly loved.

D Day

I know i've been kind of quiet here...and all for good reason.

I have been getting my life (and in particular my house) ready before I undergo major surgery tomorrow.

I have to admit that I am a little nervous. I have never had surgery before and it's a little scary to think about what could go wrong.

But I am quite confident that everything is going to go right and all will be well.

And...honestly in the whole scheme of things what I have to experience is minor in comparison to what others are currently facing -- and keeping things in perspective is pretty important to me right now.

In case you have any interest in what type of surgery I am having...I will provide details below.

If you are not interested...PLEASE...stop reading now. Especially if you're squeamish (or, you know...a man).

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If you're still with me, as you know, we have had quite a few children in a relatively short amount of time.

7 babies in 10 years.

I know. Crazy.

So, I have had quite a bit of damage done to my pelvic floor and I will be having reconstructive surgery done.

It's a total of 7 different procedures done over 6 hours.

I have heard that the recovery is pretty rough, but again, I hesitate to complain as I know it will be but a moment and I will once again feel whole and healthy -- and I am really looking forward to that!

For a more detailed description, I found this online:

What is Pelvic Floor Reconstruction?
Pelvic floor reconstructive surgery consists of several procedures for correcting a condition called “pelvic organ prolapse.”

When the muscles of the pelvic floor are damaged or become weak – often due to childbirth – they are sometimes unable to support the weight of some or all of the pelvic and abdominal organs. If this occurs, one or more of the organs may drop (prolapse) below their normal positions, causing symptoms including discomfort, pain, and pressure.

The goal of pelvic floor reconstruction is to restore the normal structure and function of the affected organs.

About 35 percent of women will develop some form of pelvic organ prolapse. 

It's funny how people never tell you what can happen to your body as you give birth and age.

I really don't know why that is, but i've been very surprised at how many women i've meet who are dealing with or have dealt with these issues. 

Again, I feel like everything is going to be okay, and we will keep you posted on how things go.

The Craft Room

We got new carpet this week in a couple areas of the house...and while I love love love the new carpet, it was so much work to move everything out, and finally back in.

But, the upside is that I finally got my craft room organized how I wanted.

You may remember that I redid my office a while back and installed new shelving, and while I got what was in my office mostly organized, I still had a huge amount of crafting supplies in the basement.

Well, I got it all upstairs and I was determined that if it didn't fit in my craft room, I was getting rid of it.

So, after a major purge and a lot of reorganization I got in all in here and I am so happy to have it all in one place.

So...here is the final product.

The shelving.

The reading nook.

My desk.

And here's the breakdown of the shelving:

I love the white shelving and all the fun colors. And I am so happy to have all my supplies in one place.

Now I just need to make a run to the goodwill!

You Go!

Emma performed at the middle school talent show...and she was just amazing.

I am so proud of her for being so brave and doing so well!

Enjoy.

One Little Word

Another year has passed, each one quicker than the last.

January always seems like such a good time to make a fresh start...and this time is no exception.

Last year I wanted to do the one little word project -- one word to focus on for the year -- and last year, I choose the word patience.

Well, part way through the year I changed my word from patience to stronger. (Obviously I need to work on patience. lol), but I really needed to remember that I am stronger than I think am. And I feel like I made good progress on that goal.

This year...I wanted to keep pushing forward...spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

So, I choose the word BELIEF. Belief in myself. Belief in things bigger than myself. Belief that I can be just exactly the person I am supposed to be.

We will also be having a family home evening soon and choosing one little word for our family as well.

Sunday Musings

It's been crazy busy around here, and it feels like the only time I have to sit down is on Sundays.

And, it was a good Sunday.

Today, both Josh and Joe stood and bore their testimonies -- of scouts, of Christ, of their love for our Father in Heaven.

And it was a sweet reminder to me that even though they occasionally make me crazy...I am indeed blessed to be their mother.

They are both growing into fine young men.

(And I will be re-reading this post whenever I need a reminder!)