Weigh Down

Well. It's not going well. Not well at all.

The diet I mean.

I have gained and lost the same two pounds several times over the last few weeks.

And I wonder if I'm ready for this.

I see other people doing it, and having great success, and I think...hey! I can do this.

Then I go back to my regularly scheduled life.

Things are good, but it's a really busy time of year and I'm a stress eater. This combination is surely the quickest way to diet failure I can think of.

But...I gave myself a gift.

I gave myself a year. Resolving that gain or lose or even just staying the same...I will make changes in my life that I believe in the long term will be of great benefit...and continue to try to work my diet program.

I'm making better food choices.

I'm moving a little more.

I'm trying to make changes that I think will be healthy and enhance my life.

So...even though I'm nearly back where I started at my first weigh in (which, BTW, starting a diet right before spring break is just silly)...I'm committed.

And...that my friends...is a victory in and of itself.

Weigh In

I'm down 1.8 pounds.

And I have to say, some small part of me was disappointed. 

I kind of expected a bigger loss and I realized that this is one reason that I continue to be heavier than I like -- I'm an instant gratification kind of gal.

I want what I want, when I want it.

Sigh.

Life doesn't always make this possible, and I realize that many things worth having aren't going to come easy. I need to have patience. With the process. With myself.

I need to reframe the loss into more of a positive. The scale moved down. I am continuing on the journey. It was a good week. I wasn't hungry and I really like the new Weight Watches Points system.

That isn't to say that I didn't have cravings -- because I did. And I was able to indulge -- I had a piece of cake, ate out twice and even had a little candy. And I still lost.

And I think that's how I need to think about this -- that it will take however long it takes -- and that it may take a long time, but it's going to be worth it. 

Bit the Bullet

So...I did it.

I bit the bullet.

I joined (re-joined) weight watchers today.

I have mixed feelings about it.

I know I need to be healthier and I really have sincerely tried to lose weight over the years -- but I am a stress eater and someone who doesn't deal well with delayed gratification.

This is not a good combination.

But I have several friends who have had great success on the program, and the latest, my friend Lauril is a total inspiration to me.

I lost a lot of weight right after Katie was born and one of my happiest moments was realizing that everything in the plus size store was just too big and I needed go shop at a regular store. Seriously. O Happy Day.

But i've been stuck where I am for quite a while, and in fact noticed the scale starting to move in the wrong direction.

I refuse to go there again.

But I also know I need to do something different to make any lasting change in my life and I hope this is the start.

I have made a real effort to move away from the pessimistic, somewhat sad person that I used to be and it's been a strange thing.

I have tried to complain less. To look for the good more. To let go of the past. Not to beat myself up for mistakes.

And now I am hoping I am ready to take the next step. Being optimistic. Believing in myself. Believing that I can do hard things.

We have started to get up at 5:30 am and having family scripture study and family prayer. It's so very hard at time of day to get up and do it.

But I have already seen what a huge blessing it's been to our family and  I think it fits right in there with the idea that we can all do hard things.

At some point today I even had the thought that it might be helpful to tape some positive affirmations up on my mirror to reinforce the idea that I know can do this. That I can choose this for myself.

That's when I realized that somewhere along the way I have started to be like my perennially happy husband -- and it gave me a moment of pause.

I think that's the last place I expected my life's journey to take me!

Singing the Blues

I have gone an entire month with drinking coke zero.

I know there were those of you out there who did not think I could do it (you know who are).

And even though it's been a month, I still miss drinking it every day. **big sigh**

I need a little inspiration...I am trying to be healthier and make better choices...but honestly, none of those better choices seem very fun.

In addition to giving up coke zero, I have also been exercising more.and eating better.

But whenever I exercise, I find that my scale actually goes up.

Does this happened to you?

Now...let me just say that my clothes fit the same...and I don't think I look any heavier.

(If you think differently...just please keep it to yourself.)

But...I must say, it's a real disincentive to being good.

So..help me out here...what do you do to stay motivated? If your scale goes up like mine...how long before it starts to go down?

Because honestly...fat and happy sounds real good right about now.

The Brutal Truth

Top Five Signs That You Need to Lose Weight

5. Your clothes fit a little too snugly.

4. Your husband can no longer put his arms all the way around you.

3. Your favorite chair has developed a permanent sag.

2. The kid at the Dunkin Donuts counter calls you by your first name.

1. Your three-year-old daughter says, "Mommy, your tummy is squishy."

Okay, so not all of these things have happened to me...but, out of the mouth of babes.

I'm Not Fat, Just Tired

So I was watching the Today show this morning and they were talking about losing weight. (If you are interested, see this.)

Well, recently, I have fallen off the diet wagon, and I have fallen hard! I was beginning to think that I had developed some kind of compulsive eating disorder.

I want to eat EVERYTHING and I just feel hungry ALL the time. (No, I am not pregnant, bite your tongue!)

So, what they said was that scientists have found that sleep deprivation increases levels of a hunger hormone and decreases levels of a hormone that makes you feel full.

HELLO! I haven't had more than four consecutive hours of sleep since the baby got her first ear infection, and recently between her wakefulness and Becky's cough, I rarely get more than two hours of sleep in a row.

So, the good news is if I work on getting a little more sleep (they said at least 7 hours) that my appetite might normalize...and you won't find me on your doorstep, salivating and disheveled, looking for Twinkies at 2 a.m.

Of course, the bad news is...back on the diet wagon.

Shoot.

P.S. The tubes go in on April 17. Woo Hoo!

Fat and Warm

So the phrase "opposites attract" has a lot of meaning for Troy and I.

We have different likes, and interests, and hobbies, but we have also managed to find common ground.

If nothing else, it makes for an interesting marriage.

If fact, have you ever taken those surveys that tell you what your perfect companion would be like? We have. And according to those surveys, mine isn't Troy. Actually, we have even taken a couple of those surveys that say couples like us shouldn't even bother trying...

Well, you know how well I take advice.

So when things are good, they are REALLY good, and when things are bad...we'll just apologize now for those of you who have been caught in the middle of a Troy and Denise squabble, and to those of you who haven't yet had the privilege, well...I apologize in advance.

Anyway. I bring this up because Troy and I have spent our entire marriage with one us feeling cold (Troy) and the other one feeling hot (me). This was fine when we had a car with dual air control, or even when we go to bed because Troy will wear his long johns and socks (and even a little hat) to bed when it's cold. Me? No covers, no sheets, nothing. I'm just too hot.

But with my recent weight loss something strange has happened here at home...I now get cold at night (gasp)! And it has made for some evening tug-of-wars as Troy and I compete for covers.

So as we were disucssing how to rememdy this situation, I told him, "Well, I can either be fat and warm, or thin and cold."

...And it must have been a long night for him because he said he'd take fat and warm.

WHAT?!?

Now, don't get mad, because I'm pretty sure he was kidding...but it made for a funny little disucssion and of course...for a funny little blog post.

Is this a compliment?

So I went to my Weight Watchers meeting today.

The conversation:

I was standing in line, waiting to be weighed in, when the woman behind me says, "Oh, your kids are so cute, can I have one?"

I said, "Well, I have plenty to spare, so I would be happy to lend you one."

"Oh really, how many children do you have?"

"I have six kids."

"Six kids?!?"

And the woman in front of me, who had been listening in, says, "Wow, you look great for having six kids."

So now I have to ask, is this a compliment?

I mean, I know she meant it to be one...but what is a woman with six kids supposed to look like?

And should I be grateful that I don't look like that?

What are the qualifications for looking great when you have six children?

Do I need to have already taken a shower?

Do I have to dress in something other than sweatpants, wear make up, or comb my hair?

Or is it enough that I even had the courage to leave the house?

What do you think?