So...I did it.
I bit the bullet.
I joined (re-joined) weight watchers today.
I have mixed feelings about it.
I know I need to be healthier and I really have sincerely tried to lose weight over the years -- but I am a stress eater and someone who doesn't deal well with delayed gratification.
This is not a good combination.
But I have several friends who have had great success on the program, and the latest, my friend Lauril is a total inspiration to me.
I lost a lot of weight right after Katie was born and one of my happiest moments was realizing that everything in the plus size store was just too big and I needed go shop at a regular store. Seriously. O Happy Day.
But i've been stuck where I am for quite a while, and in fact noticed the scale starting to move in the wrong direction.
I refuse to go there again.
But I also know I need to do something different to make any lasting change in my life and I hope this is the start.
I have made a real effort to move away from the pessimistic, somewhat sad person that I used to be and it's been a strange thing.
I have tried to complain less. To look for the good more. To let go of the past. Not to beat myself up for mistakes.
And now I am hoping I am ready to take the next step. Being optimistic. Believing in myself. Believing that I can do hard things.
We have started to get up at 5:30 am and having family scripture study and family prayer. It's so very hard at time of day to get up and do it.
But I have already seen what a huge blessing it's been to our family and I think it fits right in there with the idea that we can all do hard things.
At some point today I even had the thought that it might be helpful to tape some positive affirmations up on my mirror to reinforce the idea that I know can do this. That I can choose this for myself.
That's when I realized that somewhere along the way I have started to be like my perennially happy husband -- and it gave me a moment of pause.
I think that's the last place I expected my life's journey to take me!